Ladies — What Does Your Man’s Choice of Gaming Console Tell You About Him?

Originally published 11/6/07 on GGL Wire.

MSN’s “Dating & Personals” page features a guide for women — what does your man’s gaming console tell you about him? And one of the experts giving the answers is GGL’s own CEO, Ted Owen.

Read the original article here.

Ted’s excellent answers notwithstanding, I feel the need to share my own thoughts on what your videogame system says about you.

What does a PlayStation 3 reveal about a dude?

The PlayStation 3 man gets by on Daddy’s money and connections. He’s spoiled so his parents will buy him anything, from a Yale education and a National Guard deferment, to an overpriced console with few decent games. In bed, his PS3 affiliation suggests he will be selfish, self-involved, and have very, very small “equipment.” Women should avoid Sony fanboys at all costs. If you must date a PS3 owner, do not get him on the topic of consoles — he will never shut up about it.

What does a Wii tell a gal about her potential date?

That he is too young to be going out on a date. The target audiences for the Wii both poo their pants and dribble indiscriminately — I’m talking about young children and the elderly. If an adult male owns a Wii, it is for one of two reasons. If he owns a Wii to be ironic, then he may be perfectly intelligent and mature. Unfortunately, he probably also buys things like Tiki lamps and lawn flamingos, and has open credit at Archie McPhee. Also, he may be gay. The other species of adult male Wii owner thinks the Wii is a great system. This person is a loser, and possibly suffers from a developmental disability. Avoid.

And what does the Xbox divulge about its owner?

The Xbox 360 owner is just an average Joe, not too bright, not too stupid. He made the safe choice as far as console systems go — reasonable price, and a decent stock of worthwhile games. Don’t be fooled by his lackluster exterior — if you want to dominate and hurt a man who will just beg for more, the Xbox 360 owner is the bottom you’ve been looking for. He puts up with all kinds of crap from Microsoft, so he’ll probably be okay with your leather fetish.

But why stop there? Let’s keep going!

What about the man who owns a PSP?

Just like the PS3 owner, except he has an even smaller penis. And he’s going to try to make you watch Live Free & Die Hard on his PSP — don’t let him.

The Nintendo DS?

Owning a DS isn’t as inherently embarrassing as owning a Wii. If he occasionally whips it out in line at the supermarket (I mean the DS), that’s no problem. But if he’s so deep into Animal Crossing that he collects the friend codes of total strangers, you need to find a new guy.

An original Nintendo Entertainment System?

Yeah, you’re gonna be crawling in and out of the basement window of this guy’s house so his mom doesn’t find out you’re sleeping over. Don’t accidentally knock over his stack of Punisher comics signed by Gerry Conway on your way out.

A DreamCast?

Now this is the guy you can take home to mother. Intelligent, sophisticated, learned and wise — an all-around gentleman. He’s a keeper. And if you’re real nice, he’ll teach you to play Samba de Amigo.

eBay Finally Bans Gold Sales — Chinese Economy Collapses

The ongoing war to put an end to organized cheating in MMOs has seen another victory.

Online auction house eBay is finally implementing their own policies, and “delisting” any attempt to sell in-game items and currency that does not have the specific permission of the copyright holder, i.e. the game publisher.

While I’m not usually a big fan of copyright enforcement when it gets in the way of consumer fair use, this is a special case. Gold farmers and their customers don’t contribute to a game — they destroy it, cheating in a way that ruins the enjoyment for other users.

The issue of who owns virtual property is an important and complex one, and I’d hate to see game companies abusing copyright law to control intellectual property created by users. But that’s not what is happening here.

I also dislike it when eBay bans auctions to satisfy the wishes of some corporation — for instance, when I couldn’t sell my Japanese Dreamcast on eBay. My Dreamcast was a block of atoms that I had purchased fair and square. I owned it, and I had the right to sell it.

But when a region-locked console gets sold by a consumer, no one is hurt, not even the console manufacturer enforcing the policy. Gold farming hurts everyone.

eBay FTW.