The Top Ten MMO Excuses

Originally posted 2/28/07 on Avataritoria.

You’ve heard them all. Someone screws up a raid, or gets everyone killed at the end of an instance — but there’s always an excuse.

I’ve collected the top 10 MMO excuses, in the hope they can be retired forever. It won’t happen — but we can always hope, right?

If you’re going to screw up in a game, at least think of new excuses, rather than trotting out one of these lame old-skool justifications.

10. I’m a n00b.
This isn’t an excuse – if you’re in the proper n00bie areas, and paying attention, your stupid mistakes shouldn’t affect anyone but you. But if you’re not just a n00b, but a howard – some 12-year-old kid lacking the emotional maturity to play Wii Bowling, much less an MMO, well, that’s no excuse either. Go play Barbie Horse Adventures until you’re old enough to stop snickering at your own female avatar’s wiggling ass.

9. [Random Player] was supposed to give me [Random Buff] — and the aggro got screwed!
The truth is, not receiving the proper support from your party members may be a legitimate reason for failure, not just a lame excuse. If the healer isn’t healing, the buffer isn’t buffing, and the brick isn’t pulling aggro, then you may get kacked no matter what you do. But far too often, players try to blame their own weaknesses on others. Don’t throw stones – if you weren’t pulling your own weight, then the failures of others aren’t an excuse.

8. Someone was spamming trade chat, and it distracted me.
Oh, please. If there’s not a way turn off general chat without losing party chat, then learn to ignore it. It’s called “concentration” – you can Google it.

7. Someone was at my door / I had to go pee. (tie)
Ah, the “IRL Defense.” Most real-life interruptions are not major life-threatening emergencies. They can probably wait until the end of a combat. And if you’re involved in a giant raid – well, geez dude, just plan ahead. Or maybe you can take up a game that requires less of a commitment. Like Barbie Horse Adventures.

6. My character was so much more powerful before the update / before he got nerfed.
Well, boo hoo. If your character got nerfed, it was probably too powerful in the first place. It’s called “game balance” – and since the game is supposed to be fun for everyone, and not just YOU, maybe you should quit your bitching and learn to play your character under the new rules.

5. My computer / video card / monitor is crap.
Well then, you have two solutions to this problem. First, find a second job / sugar daddy / winning lottery ticket, and get a better machine. Or second, alter your game play to fit the capabilities of your system. Plan ahead – choose a character with ranged attacks and spells that do damage over time. Get buffs that help other party members. Avoid direct involvement in combat. Set yourself to “follow” other players. And if your system is too weak to play a game, then don’t play it at all. Switch to Barbie Horse Adventures.

4. “I’ve got chicken.”
When Leeroy Jenkins famously sabotaged a massive raid, his only excuse was “I’ve got chicken.” Of course, that’s not really an excuse; it’s more of a reason. He had chicken. That’s perfectly understandable, right?

3. I just wanted to see what would happen if I did that.
I’ve been overcome with the urge to do something monumentally stupid, just to see what would happen. And unlike say, climbing over the fence at the Grand Canyon or jumping down a garbage chute, conducting stupid experiments in a virtual world will not get you killed.

Just try your experiments on your own time, rather than when a party is depending on you.

2. That wasn’t me, my girlfriend was using my account.
Please. Like YOU have a girlfriend….

1. Lag!!!

If you have any other favorite MMO excuses, list them in the comments! There’s no excuse not to! Heh heh.