The 100 Quotations Every Geek Should REALLY Know

The Fate of the Phoenix

The Fate of the Phoenix

So Wired.com has up a post called 100 Quotations Every Geek Should Know, which is really a list of 17 quotations every geek should know, some quotations every pop culture fan should know, and some stupid quotes no one should care about.

As someone who has been an actual geek for a very long time, I felt compelled to put together a better list. For the purposes of my list, I’m limiting the science-fiction, fantasy, horror, and various other sundry geek-related properties to one quote each. Otherwise half the list would be Monty Python, Star Wars and Douglas Adams.

But first, the 17 items that the Wired post got right — these are quotations you definitely should be familiar with if you’re a geek.

1. “Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.” — Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

2. ”I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” – 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

3. “With great power there must also come great responsibility.” – Amazing Fantasy #15 (1962)

4. ”…there’s a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.” – Real Genius (1985)

5. “WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE” (God’s Final Message to His Creation), So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish (1984)

6. “Bill, strange things are afoot at the Circle K.” – Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)

7. “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” (Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear), Dune (1965)

8. “Ray, if someone asks you if you’re a god, you say ’yes!‘” – Ghostbusters (1984)

9. “This episode was badly written!” – Galaxy Quest (1999)

10. “He’s dead, Jim.” – Star Trek (1966-1969)

Criswell speaks!

11. ”Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.” – Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)

12. “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” – Planet of the Apes (1968)

13. “Klaatu barada nikto.” – The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

14. “E.T. phone home.” – E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

15. “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” – Lost in Space (1965-1968)

16. “Kneel before Zod.” – Superman II (1980)

17. “Shall we play a game?” – WarGames (1983)

And now, the remainder of the ACTUAL 100 Quotations Every Geek Should Know, as compiled by Kunochan, the one person on Earth who would know:

18. “I’m a scientist, I don’t think, I observe!” – Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988-1999)

19. “Would you like a jelly baby?” – Doctor Who (1963-1989, 1995, 2005-present)

20. “Kaneda!” “Tetsuo!” – Akira (1988)

May the Force be with you.

21. “May The Force be with you.” – Star Wars (1977)

22. “You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia.’ But only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” – The Princess Bride (1987)

23. “Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a $109.95. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?” – Army of Darkness (1992)

24. “And Kaylee, what the hell’s goin’ on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?” – Firefly (2002)

25. “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.” – Blade Runner (1982)

26. “That’s it man, game over man, game over!” – Aliens (1986)

27. “By your command!” – Battlestar Galactica (1978-1979)

28. “I have a cunning plan…” – Black Adder (1983-1989)

29. “The Internet doesn’t weigh anything!” – The IT Crowd (2006-2010)

30. “There’s one thing I always wanted to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world; except sometimes he doesn’t. All those times in history where there was no sign of him. I wanted to know why not. But I don’t need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes The Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame.” – Torchwood: Children of Earth (2011)

31. “It’s Dr. Evil, I didn’t spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called ‘mister,’ thank you very much.” – Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

32. “What have you done with his body???“ – Brazil (1985)

33. “Do-dee-do-doo-duh.” – Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

34. “The universe is a pretty big place. If it’s just us, seems like an awful waste of space.” – Contact (1985)

35. “I am Torgo. I take care of the place while The Master is away.” – Manos The Hands Of Fate (1966)

36. “Gum? … Oh, these guys, they were fakes. You’re a pure soul. You have nothing to worry about… But you did not say ‘God bless you’ when I sneezed.” – Dogma (1999)

37. “Everyone’s special, Dash.” “Which is another way of saying no one is.” – The Incredibles (2004)

38. “Come on! Show a little backbone, will ya!” – Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

39. “Be afraid. Be very afraid.” – The Fly (1986)

40. “Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.” “What truth?” “There is no spoon.” – The Matrix (1999) 

Las Vegas asks about the watermelon.

41. “What’s that watermelon doing there?” “I’ll tell you later.” – The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension (1984)

42. “We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff!!!“ – Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

43. “In a comic, you know how you can tell who the arch-villain’s going to be? He’s the exact opposite of the hero, and most time’s they’re friends, like you and me. I should’ve known way back when. You know why, David? Because of the kids. They called me Mr. Glass!” – Unbreakable (2000)

44. “Give a guy a gun, he thinks he’s Superman. Give him two and he thinks he’s God.” – Hard Boiled (1992)

45. “Stage lights flashing / The feeling’s smashing / My heart and soul belong to you / And I’m here now, singing / All bells are ringing / My dream has finally come true! / Stage fright, go away / This is my big day / This is my time to be a star! / And the thrill that I feel / It’s really unreal / I can’t believe I’ve come this far! / This is my time to be a star!” – Robotech (1985)

46. “The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn’t home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That’s when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He’d been climbing down the chimney… his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.” – Gremlins (1984)

47. “They’re here.” – Poltergeist (1982)

48. “Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.” – The Fellowship of the Ring (1954)

49. “‘Do it?’ Dan, I’m not a Republic Serial villain. Do you seriously think I’d explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty-five minutes ago.” – Watchmen (1986-1987)

50. “If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear!” – Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (1818)

51. “‘God” was their name for the hypothetical biggest-alpha-male-of-all. Being primates, they could not comprehend how anything could run if there weren’t an alpha male in charge of it.” – The Universe Next Door (1979)

52. “That is not dead which can eternal lie, / And with strange aeons even death may die.” – “The Nameless City” (1921)

53. “I’ll be back.” – The Terminator (1984)

54. “The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.” – Neuromancer (1984)

55. “Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.” – The War of the Worlds (1898)

56. “You want me to fight? I have, I am – with all my strength. But I can’t forget that I killed an entire world - five billion people - as casually, as unthinkingly, as you would crumple a piece of paper. I want no more deaths on my conscience. Your way, I’d have to stay completely in control of myself every second of every day for the rest of my immortal life. If even one more person dies at my hands… It’s better this way. Quick. Clean. Final. I love you, Scott. A part of me will always be with you.” – X-Men #137 (1980)

57. “For the Horde!” – World of Warcraft (2004-present)

58. “Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you’re stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there’s nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there’s a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they’re gone too fast and the taste is… fleeting. So, you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you’re desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers.” – The X-Files (1993-2002)

59. “Oh boy.” – Quantum Leap (1989-1993)

60. “Through the darkness of future’s past, the magician longs to see / One chants out between two worlds… ‘Fire… walk with me.’” – Twin Peaks (1990-1991)

All your base are belong to us.

61. “Somebody set up us the bomb.” “Main screen turn on.” “All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.” “Move ‘ZIG’. For great justice.” – Zero Wing (1991)

62: “It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.” – Zork I: The Great Underground Empire (1980)

63: “Do not grieve. Soon I shall be one with the matrix.” – The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

64. “Mrs. Peel, we’re needed.” – The Avengers (1961-1969)

65. “Leeloo Dallas multipass.” – The Fifth Element (1997)

66. “We have randomly selected weapons to put in your kits, so you might get lucky, and you might not… This one is super lucky!” – Battle Royale (2000)

67. “The human whose name is written in this note shall die.” – Death Note (2009)

68. “You can have my gun, when you pry it from my cold dead fingers.” “Your proposal is acceptable.” – Men in Black (1997)

69. “Welcome to Earth!” – Independence Day (1996)

70. “Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?” “Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?” – Donnie Darko (2001)

Heavy!

71. “There’s that word again. ‘Heavy.’ Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth’s gravitational pull?” – Back to the Future (1985)

72: “Who run Bartertown? Who… run… Bartertown?” “You know who.” “Say.” “Master Blaster.” “Say loud!” “Master Blaster.” “Master Blaster… what?” “Master Blaster runs Bartertown.” – Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)

73. “This is Edison Carter, coming to you live and direct, on Network 23.” – Max Headroom (1985)

74. “Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada.” – The Last Starfighter (1984)

75. “Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive.” “Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.” – The Six Million Dollar Man (1974–1978)

76. “Smeg!” – Red Dwarf (1988-1999, 2009-2012)

77. “You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead – your next stop, the Twilight Zone!” – The Twilight Zone (1959-1964)

78. “You are utterly the stupidest, most self-centered, appallingest excuse for an anthropomorphic personification in this or any other plane!” – Sandman #8 (1988)

79. ”I want some more.” – Interview with the Vampire (1994)

80. “This should be agony. I should be a mass of aching muscle — broken, spent, unable to move. And, were I an older man, I surely would… But I’m a man of 30 – of 20 again. The rain on my chest is a baptism. I’m born again.” – Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (1986)

Day One!

81. “If I were creating the world I wouldn’t mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o’clock, Day One!” – Time Bandits (1981)

82. “Darling no baka!” – Urusei Yatsura (1981-1986)

83. “THANK YOU MARIO! BUT OUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!” – Super Mario Bros. (1985)

84. “Robert Neville looked out over the new people of the earth. He knew he did not belong to them; he knew that, like the vampires, he was anathema and black terror to be destroyed. And, abruptly, the concept came, amusing to him even in his pain. … Full circle. A new terror born in death, a new superstition entering the unassailable fortress of forever. I am legend.” – I Am Legend (1954)

85. “Once upon a time when the world was young there was a Martian named Smith.” – Stranger in a Strange Land (1961)

86. “I am the law!” – “Judge Dredd,” 2000AD (1977-present)

87. “Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.” – Beetlejuice (1988)

88. “There can be only one!” – Highlander (1986)

89. “1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.” – “Runaround” (1942)

90. “I’d buy that for a dollar!” – Robocop (1987)

Why so serious?

91. “Why so serious?” – The Dark Knight (2008)

92. “Wizard needs food badly. Wizard is about to die.” – Gauntlet (1985)

93. “My hotel’s as clean as an Elven arse!” – Baldur’s Gate (1998)

94. “Get up, so I can kill you again!” – Halo: Combat Evolved (2001)

95. “It’s people. Soylent Green is made out of people.” – Soylent Green (1973)

96. “En taro Adun.” StarCraft (1998)

97. “Do you see this writing…? Do you know what it means…? Hospitality. And you can’t piss on hospitality! I won’t allow it!“ – Troll 2 (1990)

98. “WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.” – Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949)

99. “Biddi-biddi-biddi.” – Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (1979-1981)

100. “Join the Mobile Infantry and save the galaxy. Service guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more?” – Starship Troopers (1997)

Did I miss something? No, I didn’t. But feel free to post your suggestions in the comments! And please, no Twilight quotes. Geeks don’t care about Twilight.

 

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