The Best and Worst Sci-Fi TV Show Openings (Part 2)
Photos and YouTube links updated 12/17/09.
Check out the 10 Best.
The 10 Worst
10. 
“Land of Lost” (1974-77)
No, this isn’t on the “worst” list for the silly “special effects,” or for the dialogue during the giant dinosaur puppet attack. (“C’mon, let’s get out of here!” ORLY? You’re not going to stick around and become Tyrannosaurus food?) No, it’s the song. The lyrics are okay, explaining what plot the show had to impressionable Gen X kids. But the music? Yee-haw! I reckon’ it’s a hoe down! Grab a jug of moonshine, Cletus, and we’s gonna go bugger us some Sleestaks!
(Oh, and if you never understood why Will Ferrell’s character in “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” was named Marshall Willenholly — now you do.)
9. 
“Manimal” (1983)
Once I had this weird dream. I turned into that pretty British man from “Falcon Crest.” Everything was strange colors, and I was attacked by a bird and a cougar. It was so dramatic! Then suddenly I was in a wacky romantic comedy with that nurse from “St. Elsewhere!” Wha–? What happened to the bird/cat guy? Why am I standing around with my bi-racial posse, cracking wise and sharing a hearty laugh? Wasn’t there something about vertebrate polymorphism? Now some wacky woman is stepping on my foot! HA! A passing car just sprayed us with water! HA! Oh ho ho, my sides are splitting! And then… then I fell asleep and had the dream. (Stay tuned after the credits for an expository monologue so long I never made it all the way through).
8. 
“The Bionic Woman” (1976-78)
Despite its flaws, “The Bionic Woman” was a much better show than its progenitor, “The Six Million Dollar Man.” For one thing, Lindsay Wagner is STILL hot – I’ll climb into her Sleep Number bed any time. Also, she never ever befriended Bigfoot. But the opening sequence is just a lame attempt to rehash the “Six Million” credits, and it fails utterly. There’s too much reading; and is that the only photo of Wagner the producers could find? And why do the credits emphasize Jaimie Sommers’ teaching career, and Oscar’s unrequited love for her? She’s a freakin’ superpowered crime-fighting robot who works for a super-secret spy agency! Her opening credits shouldn’t look like a douche commercial.
7. 
“Xena: Warrior Princess” (1995-2001)
“Xena” and “Hercules” were good shows. Either you “got” it, or you didn’t. I wasn’t a huge fan, but I got it. And no one expects a show this bi-polar to have a brilliant credits sequence. Let’s review the charges. (1) Bagpipe music? Okay, this show could never quite decide where or when it took place. But I’m pretty damn sure it’s not in medieval Scotland. (2) It’s got a terrible expository monologue. Like we even need one — “it’s a chick in a steel bikini” would cover it. The monologue is read by that “In a world…” movie preview guy. It goes on and on and on. We don’t get facts about the characters and plot, just the kind of vapid marketing-speak you would expect in a movie trailer. “A mighty princess forged in the heat of battle?” That’s not even a real metaphor. Seriously, all we needed was some generically exciting music and clips of two ancient Mediterranean lesbians kicking ass.
6. 
“Charmed” (1998-2006)
How dare you motherfuckers ruin The Smiths’ “How Soon Is Now?” How DARE you?
I won’t even start in on the cheap-ass visuals – ooh! Somebody took a class in After Effects! No, I can’t get past the music thing. I’m too angry. I need to go calm down. How many lives will Shannen Doherty ruin?
5. 
“Babylon 5″ (1994-1998)
There are two kinds of sci-fi fans who just can’t shut up about their favorite show. Browncoats are pathetic because, while “Firefly” is one of the best series ever made, there are only 14 episodes (and a movie). B5 fans are pathetic because, while they have 110 episodes comprising a complete story arc, every single episode sucks.
Each season of B5 had a different opening, but each was as bad as the last. Longest expository dialogue ever. Longest credits ever (must have saved on episode costs, just like the cheap CG and the cheap “sets”). “The name of the place… is Babylon 5!” Yaaaawn.
4. 
“V: The Series” (1984-85)
Marc “BeastMaster” Singer takes out a reptilian evil alien baddie – with his genitals. And that’s the best part of this cheese-ridden opening, an 80s-era Supercuts ad scored with the “space music” setting on a Casio.
(Anyone notice the weird overlap between the “V” opening and the “Firefly” opening? Spooky.)
3. 
“Battlestar Galactica” (2003, 2004-present)
Possibly the Best Science Fiction Show Ever, and its here in the “Worst” list. Why?
Is it the music? No, the original American theme, Bear McCreary’s “Two Funerals,” was just fine; the new theme from the British version is even better. Is it the clips from the miniseries? No, they’re fine. The lame expository subtitles? (You know, “The Cylons were created by man…” blah blah.) Nah, they’re useless, but not really annoying. Maybe there’s not enough Grace Park? True, the titles need more Grace Park. But that’s not the problem.
Then what’s wrong? I’ll tell you what the frack is wrong. Each episode beings with 30 seconds of clips from the episode itself. Brief images designed to tease? No. SPOILERS. There is not an episode of BSG that has not had some big dramatic turn ruined by the opening spoilers. Ron, buddy, listen – if I’m watching the opening credits, I’m already watching the show. You don’t have to sell me. BSG is clever and fast-paced, full of unforeseeable twists and turns – unforeseeable, that is, if you close your eyes during the opening titles. Otherwise, you’re screwed.
The fans have been complaining about this for two seasons, Ron. Cut it out. Oh, and we want more Grace Park. Maybe a spin-off series where Boomer discovers a planet of sexy Amazons and opens a lingerie store.
2. 
“Cleopatra 2525″ (2000-2001)
Before this article went to press, I ran my choices past my friend Paul. After hearing my “worst” choice, all he had to say was, what about “Cleopatra 2525?” I have never watched the show; but I trust his opinion, so I checked it out.
Oh. My. God.
That’s “Firefly” star and Mrs. Laurence Fishburne, Gina Torres! What the hell??? Is that her impersonating Geoffrey (“Crisp and clean! No caffeine!”) Holder in the expository monologue? And let’s talk about this song for a moment. Zager & Evans’ 1969 “hit” “In the Year 2525” was craptastic enough without this histrionic cover with the cutesy lyrics. Yeah, take a crappy show with crappy effects and crappy costumes, and add a crappy monologue and a crappy cover of a crappy song, and know what you get? Crap. (By the way, for 60 seconds of fun, check out the opening to “Cleopatra’s” “sibling” show, “Jack of All Trades.” We love you, Bruce Campbell!)
1. 
“Enterprise” (2001-2005)
Worst sci-fi show of all time? Of course not – that was “Small Wonder.” But “Enterprise” was a close second. Tragically, the opening credits for this show were visually brilliant – a nifty little history of humanity’s exploratory spirit. So why is this one of the worst openings of all time? That song – OH GOD THAT SONG. Please, give me something sharp to dig through my ocular cavity and into my brain, until all memory of it is gone. (Although you have to admit, the “Mirror” opening is pretty cool.)
FARSCAPE was by far the worst out of any of these, and they kept making it worse as the series went on.
Yes it’s your site your opinion, not disputing that. To say every episode of Babylon 5 sucked is just simply not true. Sure it had a vision instead of aimlessly throwing endless money and episodes out there *cough* Enterprise *cough*. The actors did what they should do, act, instead of the over-acting that is so easy to find in Hollywood. Granted Sinclair was a bit wooden but overall the series is excellent, in the top 5 at the least.
HOW DARE YOU bust on B5…blasphemy!
thanks for the link to the Mirror Mirror opening for Enterprise…must have happened after I lost interest…
first off sorry if this was mentioned but i didnt feel like reading every post…but i just wanted to mention that Charmed didnt ruin your presence smith song….that cover was originally done for the movie The Craft…it was even used in all the trailers for it….so yes if you hate the song nothing will change that and while i think Charmed sucked, i still wanted to defend it because it just did what any studio would
“that witch movie is using that song….our witch show should use it too, to get more viewers”
Oh how I must disagree with you.
First of all, Babylon Five was a great show….well, at least the first four seasons. The hastily added fifth one sticks out like a sore thumb, but it still had its moments. B5 is just a great show and I’m sorry you don’t lik it. It was beyond brilliant in every way.
Also, I have to disagree on the Enterprise theme. It so captured what the show should have been about…
“It’s about time”–
http://www.tv.com/it-s-about-time/show/6357/summary.html
Cheesiest show ever, with astronauts meeting cave men, and then bringing them back to the 20th century.
Yo are people getting so pissed off? Because B5 got shit on? I’m presuming fans of that show must be adults, because it ended like 14 years ago or something, so seriously…what is the deal if one guy in all the internets doesn’t like the damn thang?
Anyway…I think both Farscape openings rocked. Operatic alien chanting and gurgling is my musical genre of choice.
I happen to LIKE the Earth 2 opening, it really creeped me out when I was little (who knows).
I always skip the Firefly theme even though I think it’s basically the best tv show ever made.
I live for the opening credits to BSG.
And since Xena is on this list (whose credits I also adored, and interesting stuff about Thracians and Bulgaria and junk, I thought they just made everything up on that show), why isn’t BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER??!?!
Yo that shit was dope. Although I do prefer the mildly more down-tempo 1st and 2nd season versions, that show’s opening credits sequence always rocked.
This is the worst top10 list I have seen in some time. BSG 2005 AND B5 on top 10 worst!? You sir, are a fucking retard. You have no respect in my eyes as a SciFi lover. These lists are so worthless. XENA ISN’T SCIFI YOU FUCKING RETARD!
This is what happens when you don’t actually read the article. Asshat.
Babylon 5 on the worst list? Uhh, wrong! Not on the best list either, for sure. But to label Firefly (one of the best sci-fi shows ever, your words) fans as pathetic, because there are only 14 episodes? Could you make even less sense??? Didn’t think so. But, (again) good choice on Firefly anyways.
Totally Agreed. B5 was extremely lame. I seriously HATE B rated scifi crap. Anything with the actor from Enterprise, I immediatly turn it off and go outside.
-Clorox
Great, well-argued list. However, Jaime Sommers, sadly, did befriend Bigfoot in this big SMDM/BW crossover called “The Return of Bigfoot”. Which kinda makes it worse. She had a cameo in the original Bigfoot story and but befriended him only in the sequel. Ugh. talk about jumping the shark.
And, Land of the Lost? C’mon, buddy. If you ever had to bust out the banjos, I can’t think of a better-titled show to do it on. For kids, that was a great opening.
Tell ya what. I’ll see your Land of the Lost and raise you a Blakes 7. What a horrible, horrible opening that was.
ok your Top 10 list is good but your top worst is plain BS. sheesh get a freaking brain damn!!! you are freaking clueless, you asshate hack.
G.I.N.O. crap theme, crap show!
“B5 fans are pathetic because, while they have 110 episodes comprising a complete story arc, every single episode sucks.”
You’re an idiot.
For all you connoisseurs of fine cheese, two words….Logan’s Run.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGDO2g5K3pc
I shall take ALL your crappy sci-fi beginnings and see them to dust with the opening credits of “Sapphire and Steel”..a classic british sci-fi series from the 70′s…it would kick ten types of crap out of the Enterprise beginning..honestly download ANY episode and see….
I found the Sapphire & Steel opening sequence on Youtube…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNbca1Stzms
or use the search option and search for “sapphire steel”.
The title sequence starts about 30second into the clip!
maybe someone else pointed this out, but the Enterprise theme, with a more traditional score by Dennis McCarthy (or Jay Chattaway–I can’t remember) can be found online. it’s *so* much better… though the show still sucked.
Um, I just watched that “Sapphire and Steel” clip. And all I have say is, WTF?????
Nice to see a young, pre-op Patsy Stone, though.
About the “The Land of the Lost” opening?
The first two seasons are bad enough, but not so much for the bluegrass twang as the lyrics themselves:
“Marshall, Will and Holly, on a routine expedition…”
Considering their dad’s name was Rick, this is the equivalent of saying, “Skywalker, Luke and Leia…” and makes absolutely no sense.
Now, the opening to season three – that makes the other seem like The Color Purple in comparison!
“…escape, escape, escape!”
IT DIDN’T EVEN RHYME!!!
http://www.landofthelost.com/theme.htm
Thank you for mentioning Charmed. Not only was it a crap show (poor storylines and the character depth of Sabrina the Teenage Witch), but they stuffed up “How Soon is Now?”. On more than one occasion I heard teeny whippersnappers singing it in sci-fi stores, and I just knew they were singing about the “sun” and the “air”. A nice moody, angry song turned into a theme tune. So wrong.
I just wanted to say, after all those people were dissing your opinion, that I reckon give you are right on the money. I loved your B5 write up… and I agree entirely, you are right about the programme and its fans, and you are right abour browncoats too (I am one, and I know i’m pathetic)!
and you are right abour browncoats too (I am one, and I know i’m pathetic)!
Let me just clarify, I’m a huge gorram Firefly fan (although I prefer “flan” to “Browncoat”). We’re right to be so excited about a show that would have been so great.
What makes us pathetic is the “would have been.” Fourteen episodes and a movie that was good, but it was no “Star Wars.” Having conventions about a show that didn’t make a season is pathetic.
I’m still gonna buy a cunning hat online and go as Jane for Halloween, though.
I agree the song to Enterprise is the worse ever. I really wanted to like the show, but I couldn’t get beyond the music. I’m sorry Stargate SG1 wasn’t mentioned. I love the opening music to that show. Also love the show and I’m not really a sci-fi fan.
Somebody actually WATCHES the opening?? Not me! I tape anything that I want to watch, that way I can skip the repetitive opening (few of them change, once you have seen it you never need to see it again, ’til next season) and zap the boring commercials. Taping also means I don’t miss an episode if I have a meeting or I’m visiting a town that is missing a network (St Louis, at one time, didn’t have UPN, which you wouldn’t miss if you didn’t like Enterprise but they didn’t get to find out if they liked it or not; moot point now since UPN is gone like the only good show they ever had is (I’m not saying Enterprise is good, or bad, just that they had nothing else worth 2 nanoseconds of my time)). The best thing about taping them is I get to watch the 2 part season finale/season premiere in ONE sitting, without the 4 month break that some bozo keeps trying to force on us! (Of course I don’t keep them after viewing, waste of tape, especially since we can get them without commercials and any OTA static within a year or 2, if we really want them permanently.)
What is said about BG can go for lots of shows. How often do you turn on a channel to watch a show and get a commercial/preview of the show you’re about to watch? I’m already there dammit…I don’t need highlights(spoilers) of what I’m about to watch! All I need to know is if it’s a new show or a rerun…if it’s a rerun I’ll probably watch it, but won’t be concerned about missing little bits. If it’s a new episode I’ll try to make a point of catching the whole thing!
Babylon 5? FUCK YOU!
B5 is one of the best series ever, bar none.
As for the new BSG?
IT’S FUCKING AWESOME!
G.I.N.O. crap theme, crap show!
Yes, the wooden acting and the incredibly cheesy plots of the original galactica are sure swell. And it uses cliches that stan lee wouldn’t have used in the sixties! Up yours!
You left Farscape off the Worst Intro list. That whining whore screaming her way through the intro is enough to make your eyes bleed.
Whomever, in the comments, said “Red Dwarf’s” opening was bad clearly didn’t understand the show. It was MEANT to be that bad. The other stuff on the list was made by people who wanted the intro to get people to watch the show. They actually thought it was good.
You left Farscape off the Worst Intro list. That whining whore screaming her way through the intro is enough to make your eyes bleed.
That would be the original theme music? I thought the 3rd season intro was well done. MUCH MUCH BETTER!
5000 hits from http://voyeurweb.com/? What’s up with that?
Gotta say BSG is fine and I have a handy link http://www.sexydesktop.co.uk/grace.htm
for those grace park fans out there.
The opening clip blasts don’t annoy me as I don’t watch them, in much the same way as I didn’t watch the opening for space 1999 which I rate as truly one of the best and worst series produced.
The best features were the models which were originally designed for the next sereis of the classic UFO, which got screwed around and abandoned. American money rescued the model work and 1999 was born.
Unfortunately the american money also came with american control and what was an edgy, often dark and tense series “UFO” became another version of buck rodgers, just lurve the rope light power lines, with sets that wobbled when the actors brushed past or farted in their vicinity and some truly dreadful men in rubber suit and flashing light effects.
Gotta say though, Firefly was a breath of cool fresh air in the mire of Sci Fi.
Ps There was only one reason to watch Buck Rodgers when I first saw it and that was Wilma Deering aka Erin Gray. Oh Yes! Spandex had its uses. Gil Gerard was vieing with Bill Shatner for barrel belly of the airwaves and his acting made teak look articulate.
Blakes Seven was a gift to the model builder too as by careful scrutiny of the video on pause one could reproduce perfect studio model replicas even down to using the authentic cereal packets and washing up liquid containers – the identity of which could be gleaned due to the saving of money on paint.
Sorry, but I just got done going through your worst list, and while I agree with most of it, I can’t believe you left off the opening for ‘Small Wonder’. You mention it as the worst Sci-fi series of all time, and that is undoubtedly true, but it definately was the WORST intro that I watched on your list. I think you need to seriously reconsider this intro.
P.S. Right on about B5, I’m a huge Sci-fi fanand I tried to watch this, but it was mind-blowingly boring.
I’ve laughed so hard, I’m crying. We sci-fi fans are a funny, loyal lot.
If anyone is interested, I defend my B5 disdain here:
http://www.ggl.com/kunochan/2006/08/why-i-dislike-babylon-5.html
The “Small Wonder” opening does, indeed, suck. Note that I mentioned it, and linked to it. But it’s not worse than, say, “Manimal.”
How dare you diss babylon 5.
That was one of the best sci-fi shows ever created, with interestign characters and a gripping storyline. and the title sequences were good as well.
Well, if you’d, you know, READ:
http://www.ggl.com/kunochan/2006/08/why-i-dislike-babylon-5.html
How can Xena: Warrior Princess be one of the worst?! I adore the main titles–both song and the corresponding video (any and every shot of Lucy Lawless in the beautiful New Zealand scenery is just utterly breathtaking…) this is blasphemy to the x10 power. lol
And no, this is not bias. Okay, maybe just a tad bit…but still.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=929DA9E75BD3E715
=)
I pity you ! You know nothing about sci-fi. A few of your worst are actually some of the best. Please stop watching sci-fi or even mention it. Firefly the best one? I couldn’t stand watching it for more than 5 minutes ! Go away !
George
Please stop watching sci-fi or even mention it. Firefly the best one? I couldn’t stand watching it for more than 5 minutes ! Go away !
You were watching the one-minute long “Firefly” opening for more than five minutes?
Why do so many people post replies without reading the article? Why, oh God, why?
I guess it’s just an insight into the Stupid-American community.
I agree with you on all of your 10 worst except Charmed. I love that show and I thought the intro was well done. Not the best, but certainly not deserving of being on the worst list.
B5 is one of the best series ever, bar none.
As for the new BSG?
Gregg easterbrook? Been a fucking moron long?
Enterprise is the best!!!!
I didnt feel like reading all your comments, but just so you know–Charmed people were not the ones to “ruin” your Smiths song How Soon is Now?
It happens to be a cover by Love Spit Love, who, unfortunately, cannot sing. And TATU made a cover of it also. And the Love Spit Love cover was featured on the movie The Craft before it was ever on Charmed. So it isn’t the fault of the show….Charmed happens to be a good show.
Fool… Enterprise is one of my favorite shows (actualy #3 after Andromeda and Farscape)an the song is great it was in my mp3 player for a year!
There is no reason to explain why, you just dont know what a real sci-fi is…
I can see why B5 got dissed as badly as it did in this “list”. It’s the thinking man’s sci-fi.
Clearly that doesn’t appeal to those incapable of same.
Of course that can’t be helped: after all, one is not responsible for one’s genetic inheritance.
I am bemused by your choice of quotes around the word “list.” You may not like the content of the list, but I’m pretty sure it’s still actually a list.
All sci-fi is for the thinking person. That’s its appeal.
And while B5 was a fairly mediocre show, I must AGAIN point out to the reading disabled that this article discussed only the opening credits, not the show as a whole.
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